The jolly bearded rabbinic food inspectors of the Orthodox Union (O-U) just announced that Tootsie Roll Pops, Blow Pops, and other Halloween/movie theater candy are fit for Jewish consumption. Gentíle readers: picture an army of Santa Clauses launching commando-style raids of our nations’ Toys R’ Us stores and doubling your gift intake this Christmas. That’s how impressive this event is for kosher-keeping Jews, who were first introduced to Tootsie Rolls just a few weeks ago.
Below is a list of ten food brands that we hope are on the top of the O-U’s agenda for the near future. Which would you add? Let us know in the comments below!
Top 10 food brands that aren’t Kosher (yet)
10. Wheat Thins Golly, they seem awfully healthy. Isn’t wheat one of the seven species?
9. Swiss Miss hot chocolate –Newsflash: Swiss Miss has kosher pudding, and kosher competitors in Nestle, Godiva and Ghirardelli. If there are any pigs in your powder pouches, tell them it’s time to fly!
8. Seriously? How could “Mazel” brand instant coffee not be kosher? (As seen in a Michigan dollar store.)
7. Starburst–This gelatinous burst of fruity juiciness is begging for kosher certification–or at least a decent knock-off.
6. Whitman’s Sampler–This box is so goyish, I can’t even fathom what’s inside. If this mystery sampler were kosher, at least I’d have reason to satisfy my curiosity. (nevermind the words printed on the front of the box)
5. Frosted Mini-Wheats–Back to the wheat thing again. Regular and honey-wheat are certified O-K. One has to wonder–what is going on in that frosting?
4. Life Savers– Need to find out if they really float and whether that wintergreen sparks-in-the-dark thing actually works.
3. Cheetos–um, these are kosher in Israel. IS-RAEL. Pick up the pace, America.
2. Skittles–In England, these colorful treats have been on again-off again in terms of kosher status; Facebook’s use of the term “it’s complicated” was probably borrowed from a British mashgiach. Meantime, kosher-keeping kids in America have been itching to taste the rainbow for ages.
1. Lucky Charms– All this talk about rainbows brings me back to another breakfast cereal that our people have removed from our collective kosher consciousness. If they do get the kosher go-ahead, I’ll probably only serve them once a year–Shabbat Parshat Noach (or Shabbos Parshas Noach).
Did we miss any? Comment below!