Top 10 food brands that are not #kosher (yet)

Filed in Food , humor , Jewish , News , not-just-Jewish , Update 12 comments

The jolly bearded rabbinic food inspectors of the Orthodox Union (O-U)  just announced that Tootsie Roll Pops, Blow Pops, and other Halloween/movie theater candy are fit for Jewish consumption. Gentíle readers: picture an army of Santa Clauses launching commando-style raids of our nations’ Toys R’ Us stores and doubling your gift intake this Christmas. That’s how impressive this event is for kosher-keeping Jews, who were first introduced to Tootsie Rolls just a few weeks ago.

Below is a list of ten food brands that we hope are on the top of the O-U’s agenda for the near future. Which would you add? Let us know in the comments below!

Top 10 food brands that aren’t Kosher (yet)

    10. Wheat Thins Golly, they seem awfully healthy. Isn’t wheat one of the seven species?

    9. Swiss Miss hot chocolate –Newsflash: Swiss Miss has kosher pudding, and kosher competitors in Nestle, Godiva and Ghirardelli. If there are any pigs in your powder pouches, tell them it’s time to fly!

    8. Seriously? How could “Mazel” brand instant coffee not be kosher? (As seen in a Michigan dollar store.)

    7. Starburst–This gelatinous burst of fruity juiciness is begging for kosher certification–or at least a decent knock-off.

    6. Whitman’s Sampler–This box is so goyish, I can’t even fathom what’s inside. If this mystery sampler were kosher, at least I’d have reason to satisfy my curiosity. (nevermind the words printed on the front of the box)

    5. Frosted Mini-Wheats–Back to the wheat thing again. Regular and honey-wheat are certified O-K. One has to wonder–what is going on in that frosting?

    4. Life Savers– Need to find out if they really float and whether that wintergreen sparks-in-the-dark thing actually works.

    3. Cheetos–um, these are kosher in Israel. IS-RAEL. Pick up the pace, America.

    2. Skittles–In England, these colorful treats have been on again-off again in terms of kosher status; Facebook’s use of the term “it’s complicated” was probably borrowed from a British mashgiach. Meantime, kosher-keeping kids in America have been itching to taste the rainbow for ages.

    1. Lucky Charms– All this talk about rainbows brings me back to another breakfast cereal that our people have removed from our collective kosher consciousness. If they do get the kosher go-ahead, I’ll probably only serve them once a year–Shabbat Parshat Noach (or Shabbos Parshas Noach).

Did we miss any? Comment below!

Posted by hypersemitic   @   24 February 2011 12 comments
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12 Comments

  • I_b_deb

    I think the frosted mini wheats have gelatin or something similar in the sugar coating.

  • Susqhb

    I was gonna say, if Lucky Charms isn’t on this list, its rigged! Skittles and Starburst top my need to become kosher list. I bought the kosher versions of the candy in England a few years back. Bought enough to last me a couple years too.

  • http://twitter.com/hypersem hypersemitic

    Could’ve sold on ebay! RT @susqhb I bought the kosher versions of Skittles in England a few years back. Bought enough to last me a couple years too http://bit.ly/dQEi4K

  • Groucho

    Pop Tarts!

  • Egocentrics

    Why do the rest if the population have to pay extra to make it eatable just for you people. How selfish of you to be ok with it.

  • Jaded

    Uhh. As of 2011, there are 6,544,000 Jews and about 2,600,000 Muslims living in the United States alone, both groups of which generally do not eat anything non-kosher and/or non-halal. That’s a looot of people that would be willing to buy some of these products but can’t, so it’s the companies that suffer. So it’s not “selfish” to want these companies to cater to these huge religious groups. And no one ever said you’d have to pay extra to buy these products–even if you did have to pay extra, hopefully it would start encouraging more people to buy healthier foods. 

  • TrueAmerican

    6 million jews is nothing compared to the hundreds of gentiles in america, and yet you dont see us forcing companies to put a jesus tax on their products.

  • guest

     So says the bigoted antisemitic ‘TrueAmerican’ (whatever he thinks that is).

  • JudyK

    Pop tarts! I think they were kosher in the 60′s but then, when they started making frosted ones, they stopped being kosher. I remember them being incredibly delicious – great dough.

  • Guest

    Newsflash, Jesus (real name Yeshua) was Jewish and ate biblically kosher, so he wouldn’t have ate any of the pork products either. I eat biblically kosher and I’m not Jewish, and so do many other Christians who actually do what the God of the bible says to do. If you don’t like it, by all means buy what you want. Our food choices aren’t limiting yours.

  • Christian

    Why do catholics have to pay more for koscher food when we choose not to be?

  • Christian

    True American you are so ignorant! Leviticus states to not put anything dirty in your mouth as it will defile a man. Jesus did not eat koscher he stated ” it’s not what goes into a mouth that defiles a man but what comes out that defiles he man.”. What is in your heart that comes out of your mouth makes one dirty. some rabbi taking cash to “bless” food does not make food clean it makes it even dirtier. I get for days every time I eat in a koscher place so it can’t be clean.

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